I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
