her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
