any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
