Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
