I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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