I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
