hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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