the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
