So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
