I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize