I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
