I CAN MOONWALK!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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