brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
