everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
