Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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