Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
