Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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