am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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