I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
