i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
