just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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