I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am available for nakedness
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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