Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize