Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
