Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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