You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
