I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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