it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
