if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
