What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize