No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just pee around me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
