I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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