You dont lie about slip and slides
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
