I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
