i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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