god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
