u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
