forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
