i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
