Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize