well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
