dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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