Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
