party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
