so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
