The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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