planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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