whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
