I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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