I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
