what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
