I'm gonna have a badass scar
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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