Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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