just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
