hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
