I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
