remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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