so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
