Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
