Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I love black thongs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
