my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
