When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
