you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
