my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
